Feedback is uncomfortable—most people avoid it. We see it often.
When asked to provide peer feedback in presentation skills workshops, the focus steers to what went well out of fear for being deemed critical, missing the opportunity to help each other improve.
In teams, people go quiet. Especially around their manager. Not because they don’t care, because they’re weighing the cost. So they choose the safer option: silence.
How does being diplomatic or remaining silent block valuable feedback?
The real cost of silence
Your team knows things you don’t. They see early warnings, inefficiencies, risks, missed opportunities.
Silence is expensive because you lose feedback & foresight. Silence is NOT alignment; it’s avoidance.
Why are we reluctant to speak up? Feedback can feel like a personal attack. We’re conditioned from a young age not to challenge authority. We want to be liked. “Open door policies” don’t remove perceived risk
So instead of honesty, you get politeness. Politeness doesn’t drive performance.
It all starts with how you ask. Better, braver questions make it easier & safer for people to tell you what you need to hear. So ask the following:
1. “What can I do—or stop doing—that will make it easier to work with me?”
Use in one-on-ones. The focus is on your behaviour; it shows maturity & openness.
2. “What concerns have we not addressed yet?”
At the end of meetings. Pause. Let silence do the work.
This assumes concerns exist & permits people to raise them.
3. “Who has a different perspective?”
This signals that disagreement is welcome & expected, prevents groupthink, & normalizes constructive challenge.
4. “If this fails in six months, what will have caused the failure?”
This pre-mortem helps people identify risks they’d normally not raise.
Follow with: “What can we do now to prevent failure?”
5. “What should we stop doing?”
For team settings. It’s about processes & habits, not people.
Track the answers over time. Act on at least one quickly.
Repeated input without action destroys credibility.
6. “If you were in my role for a day, what would you change first?”
This creates distance from hierarchy & often reveals systemic frustrations.
7. “What’s something you’ve been hesitant to tell me?”
Very direct—it requires TRUST to land well. Hold your reaction.
Stay curious, not defensive.
How you respond matters more than what you ask.
If you react defensively, dismissively, or emotionally… you’ve just trained them not to open up again. Make it safe—and make it worth it.
“Thank you for telling me. I know that took courage.”
Then: “What do you think we should do?”
In this moment, your team is deciding whether honesty has a future here.
Start small: Choose one of these questions to use this week. Then pay attention to what shifts.
The insight you need is already in your team. They just need to feel safe enough to share it.
Speak to us about:
Creating environments where people speak up
Building confidence to handle difficult conversations, while establishing trust
Turning feedback into practical action.
Article by Trudi du Toit
