Congruence Blog
Feedback is uncomfortable—most people avoid it. We see it often.
When asked to provide peer feedback in presentation skills workshops, the focus steers to what went well out of fear for being deemed critical, missing the opportunity to help each other improve.
In teams, people go quiet. Especially around their manager. Not because they don’t care, because they’re weighing the cost. So they choose the safer option: silence.
How does being diplomatic or remaining silent block valuable feedback?
The real cost of silence
Your team knows things you don’t. They see early warnings, inefficiencies, risks, missed opportunities.
Silence is expensive because you lose feedback & foresight. Silence is NOT alignment; it’s avoidance.
Why are we reluctant to speak up? Feedback can feel like a personal attack. We’re conditioned from a young age not to challenge authority. We want to be liked. “Open door policies” don’t remove perceived risk
So instead of honesty, you get politeness. Politeness doesn’t drive performance.
It all starts with how you ask. Better, braver questions make it easier & safer for people to tell you what you need to hear. So ask the following:
1. “What can I do—or stop doing—that will make it easier to work with me?”
Use in one-on-ones. The focus is on your behaviour; it shows maturity & openness.
2. “What concerns have we not addressed yet?”
At the end of meetings. Pause. Let silence do the work.
This assumes concerns exist & permits people to raise them.
3. “Who has a different perspective?”
This signals that disagreement is welcome & expected, prevents groupthink, & normalizes constructive challenge.
4. “If this fails in six months, what will have caused the failure?”
This pre-mortem helps people identify risks they’d normally not raise.
Follow with: “What can we do now to prevent failure?”
5. “What should we stop doing?”
For team settings. It’s about processes & habits, not people.
Track the answers over time. Act on at least one quickly.
Repeated input without action destroys credibility.
6. “If you were in my role for a day, what would you change first?”
This creates distance from hierarchy & often reveals systemic frustrations.
7. “What’s something you’ve been hesitant to tell me?”
Very direct—it requires TRUST to land well. Hold your reaction.
Stay curious, not defensive.
How you respond matters more than what you ask.
If you react defensively, dismissively, or emotionally… you’ve just trained them not to open up again. Make it safe—and make it worth it.
“Thank you for telling me. I know that took courage.”
Then: “What do you think we should do?”
In this moment, your team is deciding whether honesty has a future here.
Start small: Choose one of these questions to use this week. Then pay attention to what shifts.
The insight you need is already in your team. They just need to feel safe enough to share it.
Speak to us about:
Creating environments where people speak up
Building confidence to handle difficult conversations, while establishing trust
Turning feedback into practical action.
Article by Trudi du Toit
There’s one set of statistics that consistently makes business leaders sit up and pay attention — because they reveal just how much leadership impacts the bottom line.
According to Gallup, CEB Global, and Gartner respectively:
- 82% of employees say their manager lacks leadership skills.
Considering that 70% of a team’s engagement is driven entirely by their manager, this directly fuels disengagement and unnecessary staff turnover. - 60% of new managers fail (resign, are dismissed or demoted) within their first 24 months — not because they lack potential, but because they were never equipped with the leadership and management skills their role demands.
- Companies select the wrong candidate for the wrong position 82% of the time, resulting in higher conflict, rising costs, eroded trust, lower productivity, and declining morale.
- Only 20–25% of organisations have a formal succession plan, leaving them vulnerable to knowledge loss, operational instability, and disrupted continuity.
- Here’s the one that most concerns business owners:
- 75% say that if they stepped away from the business today, they are not confident it would continue moving forward successfully.
These issues are not abstract — they each increase cost, reduce profit, weaken culture, and undermine sustainability, predictability, and long-term stability.
What Makes Leaders Avoid Succession Planning?
Succession planning doesn’t fail because it isn’t necessary — it fails because leaders are overwhelmed. Some are absorbed in immediate pressures. Some are uncomfortable acknowledging their eventual exit. Others simply don’t know where to begin.
But the reasons for avoiding it matter far less than the consequences of not doing it.
A Practical Starting Point
Many of my clients initially came to me because they didn’t know where or how to start. That’s why I sourced one of the most reliable, practical, and cost-effective profiling instruments on the market — one that provides:
- Clear, actionable data to help leaders run their business
- Insight into strengths, habits, and behaviour of employees
- Support in selecting, training and promoting the right people in the right positions
- A foundation for meaningful performance management and succession planning
- Tools to equip managers to lead teams and individuals successfully
It’s integrated, interactive and can be managed in-house — no psychologist needed.
And right now, there’s a 30% discount on all profiles until 30 November 2025.
If you’re serious about strengthening leadership, placing the right people in the right roles, and securing your organisation’s future, I’d be glad to guide you.
Ready to Talk?
I invite readers to reach me through the contact page on our website. It’s the quickest and safest way to get in touch:
👉 Visit: www.congruence.co.za/contact
You’re welcome to reach out for a conversation, request a demo, or explore how I can support your leadership, succession, and people-management needs.
Trudi du Toit
Bad hires and weak succession pipelines are expensive — not just financially, but emotionally and culturally, for the organisation and the individual.
Every time a new appointment doesn’t work out, you lose time, energy, and trust. Not only do you start over again, hoping the next one will be a better fit, but so does the employee. This is demoralising for both. It impacts the team’s energy, and the organisation loses trust in its own process.
It doesn’t have to be a guessing game.
This was the dilemma I encountered with a client I have been working with for the past year. What started as a performance management process, creating KPIs and updating job descriptions, turned into a process that equipped leaders with the skills to take the organisation into the future, including ways to reduce risk by making informed decisions about people.
Profiling: A Lens that Turns “Gut Feel” into Data You Can Trust
Traditional recruitment relies heavily on experience and intuition — and while both matter, they’re no longer enough.
The behavioural profiling instrument I use helps organisations see beyond the CV or interview performance. It identifies behavioural habits, natural work preferences, and development areas — in other words, how someone is likely to approach their work.
When this insight is compared against what success in a particular role actually looks like, it becomes clear whether the person is a strong fit, a potential fit with development, or perhaps better suited elsewhere in the business.
That’s because accurate profiling doesn’t judge — it clarifies.
Why This Matters for Both Sides
For organisations, profiling reduces uncertainty and enables more consistent decisions about who to hire, promote, or develop. For individuals, it brings fairness and opportunity. Instead of simply hearing, “You’re not right for this role,” a candidate can discover, “You might thrive in this other role.”
It’s a shift from rejection to redirection — helping talented people find their best fit within the company instead of losing them altogether.
That’s the real value: insight that serves both the business and the individual mutually.
Profiling Builds a Stronger Talent Pipeline
Most organisations struggle to maintain a reliable talent pipeline — that flow of capable people ready to step into key roles as the business evolves. Profiling adds structure to this process by revealing:
- Who is already aligned with the habits and skills needed for future leadership.
- Which team members have untapped potential if given targeted development.
- Where critical skill or behaviour gaps exist across departments.
This makes succession planning less of a scramble and more of a strategic, ongoing conversation.
Studies across industries have shown that using validated behavioural assessments during recruitment can reduce turnover by 20–30%, shorten time-to-hire, and improve productivity within the first six months. Profiling isn’t a nice-to-have — it’s smart risk management.
When you know what excellence looks like, you can grow it deliberately.
Reducing Risk and Enhancing Retention through Alignment
Studies consistently show that poor job fit is one of the leading causes of early staff turnover. Profiling helps mitigate that by ensuring people are placed — or developed — where their natural tendencies and strengths align with the demands of the job. It’s not about labelling people; it’s about aligning them. When that alignment is right, productivity, engagement, and retention naturally follow.
Profiling as a Development Tool
I am delighted to be able to offer my clients a cost-effective profiling tool that can be run from within the organisation. The same insights that help with hiring can also transform performance management. Managers can use profiling feedback to tailor coaching conversations, identify the right learning opportunities, and help team members build on their natural working style rather than fight against it.
This shifts the focus from “fixing weaknesses” to “amplifying strengths,” creating a culture where development feels empowering instead of corrective.
Practical Starting Point
My client started by profiling the executive team. This led to a presentation where I was able to demonstrate how the system produces different reports with a different focus each time and how these can be used in recruitment, job matching, performance management, conflict resolution, skills development, succession, and many more applications.
- Profile your key roles.
Define what “great” looks like by analysing the common habits and approaches of your top performers. - Profile your people.
Use the results to understand individual strengths and development areas. - Map your talent pipeline.
Identify who’s ready now, who could be ready soon, and where to focus your learning and development investment.
Even this small step brings surprising clarity to discussions about recruitment, promotion, and performance.
The Broader Impact
Profiling encourages more open, constructive conversations. When people understand how they work best — and leaders know how to support that — teams communicate more effectively and conflict decreases. It also signals that the organisation is genuinely invested in placing people where they can succeed.
By measuring behavioural habits, strengths, and development areas, you have an objective way to match the right people to the right roles.
When combined with skills mapping, profiling becomes a strategic decision-making tool that supports:
- Smarter recruitment: hiring people who are naturally aligned to what success looks like in your environment.
- Succession planning: identifying who’s ready to step up and what they need to get there.
- Skills gap analysis: understanding where your teams need development before performance issues arise.
Profiling doesn’t replace human judgment — it informs it because when people feel seen and understood, they give their best.
Looking Ahead
As businesses prepare for a new year, it’s worth reflecting on how much of your success depends on getting people decisions right — not just at the hiring stage, but throughout the entire employee journey.
Profiling is one way to bring greater objectivity, empathy, and sustainability to that process. It’s a practical tool, but it’s also a philosophy: build on what’s strong, not just fix what’s wrong.
To mark the close of 2025, we’re offering a 30% discount on all profiling services until 30 November — a small incentive to start building your 2026 talent pipeline with clarity and confidence.
If you’d like to discuss how profiling could support your people strategy, feel free to reach out directly to trudi@congruence.co.za
Studies reveal that employees spend much more of their work time engaging in persuasion-related tasks than previously thought, underscoring its enterprise-wide significance.
In To Sell is Human Dan Pink writes “People are now spending about 40 percent of their time at work engaged in non-sales selling—persuading, influencing, and convincing others in ways that don’t involve anyone making a purchase.”
It involves preparing the ground before planting the seed creating an environment for changing perspectives. Across virtually all sectors—from service industries to high-growth startups—persuasion is viewed not just as a soft skill, but as a measurable business driver influencing ROI, employee performance, and customer lifetime value.
Persuasion is now a top strategic priority for high-growth, customer-facing, and innovation-driven segments, forming the foundation for both internal and external business success.
Brian Ahearn, Cialdini Method Certified Trainer says “If being polite took up one third of your employees’ days you’d probably want them to learn to be as polite as possible. Any skill used that much is worth focusing time, effort and resources on. Persuasion is one of those skills that deserves focus because of how often it’s used in business.”
Organisations that fail to elevate communication, influence and persuasion as major drivers of not only profit, but employee satisfaction and achievement lose an opportunity to leverage human effectiveness and initiative. Sharpening these skills can be likened to sharpening a utensil before use. Why would you not want to do that?
Deidre McCloskey, Professor of Economics at the University of Illinois has built a case that Persuasion is responsible for 25% of the USA national income. It is probable the figure is now closer to 30%.
According to Brian Tracy “Selling is the process of persuading a person that your product or service is of greater value to him or her than the price you’re asking for it.”
Equipping customer influencers with deep product knowledge is essential, but equally important is empowering them with the communication and persuasion techniques needed to complete sales and nurture lasting partnerships.
This comprehensive understanding of persuasion underlines why organisations that cultivate these skills gain a decisive advantage in both business outcomes and sustainable relationships.
An added personal advantage is that since employees are real people, they get to take these skills home with them to enrich their communication skills with family.
Key source: Brian Ahearn, Three Reasons Every Business Needs to Focus on Persuasion (5 March 2019)
Paul du Toit, CSP is the author of The Book of Persuasion – How You Can Change People’s Minds and Influence Their Decisions While Building Trust.
A week ago 2,000 copies of my latest book arrived in 84 cartons – exactly 6 months after I started writing it. It’s wonderful to hold the book in my hands – with the beautifully designed dust cover protecting the classy hard cover casing. I finally had all the writing, editing, proof-reading, layout, design and planning contained in one neatly packaged volume.
My self publishing journey has been one of ongoing discovery. For those treading this path for whatever reason, perhaps my experience will provide some useful insights?
The Book of Persuasion, my most recent publication which went to my editor in January this year was researched over a period of time, but penned in December 2024 – around 42,000 words. To me, writing is the fun part – and as with my previous 3 books one of the most rewarding of pursuits.
Once the purpose of the book is conceptualised (in this case changing minds while building trust) I’ve always sought the right editor at the start of the writing process – someone with an insight into what the book sets out to achieve.
For that reason, all 4 of my books have different editors. Once my editor is familiar with the script, I expect ongoing consultation through the editing process. Proof-reading is just one element of an editors job. Their task is to transform my writing into a book that the reader won’t want to put down.
Since I write “how to” books rather than fiction, my books are intended to be referred back to over time. I prefer hard cover ensuring that the book will survive travel, rough handling and above all – time.
We’re taught not to judge a book by its cover, but that’s exactly what we do. A dust cover provides 2 extra flaps for bookmarks. The added information can help readers decide whether to buy it or not. My designer not only creates the cover I want but the layout too. He understands the correct dimensions so that I can publish it on international platforms.
Layout is important since the interior adds to the look and feel of the finished product. This can only be done once editing, and preferably independent proof-reading has been done. As the author you should also proof-read your own book in full – prior to and after layout.
As a self publisher deadlines can always be shifted, but once it’s printed you can’t adjust that run. You want to publish a book of which you can be proud.
Watch someone pick up a book. Not everyone is the same, but most glance at the cover then flip it over to read the back. If the back cover is of interest they’ll open the book – sometimes at the front or in the middle. I like to check the Foreword or Preface and then the table of contents, flipping through 3 or 4 testimonials.
The manner in which the first few pages of a book are laid out provide insight into what you can expect. In particular, if the title and subtile have caught my attention, I’m hoping that the Foreword will tell me what I can expect. It sets the tone – so the person that writes it should know you, and should have read most of the book. In choosing Dr Ray Laferla to pen my latest Foreword, I had someone who knows me well and read every word of the book’s maiden draft first.
You also want to provide readers with testimonials from credible people, so you would need to make digital copies available to them well in advance and provide a deadline. If you can print a few advance copies for those who prefer real paper, then do that too. I got this tip from Kim Vermaak. I like to get a dozen testimonials that I have one for the front cover, one for the back and about ten to go near the front. These need to be ready in time for lay out and cover design.
The last few pages of the book is where you can put your bibliography, acknowledgements and a one pager about the author. You can also feature your previous publications.
I set up my distribution channels and printing options at the start of the editing stage. A good distributor will not only get your title into the main book stores and outlets, but set up book launches and book signings too.
An ISBN number is required for digital, paperback and hard cover versions. By the time the book is laid out, sized and ready for printing you want to know who is printing it and what your specifications are. You should also request a timeline from your printers so that you can start planning book launches and marketing.
Your journey has just begun. You’ve gone to a lot of time and trouble to put together a valuable book which you know your readers will love. Since it’s no good writing a masterpiece which nobody reads, it’s time for the crucial stage – to market your book.
[to be continued]
Paul du Toit, Author and Certified Speaking Professional
“There’s a saying that paper is more patient than man.” Anne Frank, Holocaust survivor and author of The Diary of a Young Girl
I remember 1997 well, the same year I delivered my first paid speech. I installed Outlook on my computer, connected to the internet via my phone line, and shared my new email address with some people.
I eagerly awaited my first email, which arrived a few days later, followed by another on the same day! I can’t remember who those first emails were from. I also can’t tell you how many emails I’ve received since then, most of which are unsolicited trash. Like you, I have thousands of emails stored in my current email system. I might have read less than 20 percent of them fully or partially, but over 99.95 percent of them I will never read again. This doesn’t consider the vast amounts of emails I’ve deleted.
In 2019, I hosted a convention for the Professional Speakers Association of Southern Africa in Johannesburg and invited UK speaker Caspar Craven to stay with me.
A month after the convention, I got a two-page handwritten letter in the mail from Caspar. He expressed his gratitude to my wife and me for our warm hospitality, sharing how much he enjoyed our convention. He also shared interesting updates about his activities and family life, which he mentioned in his enlightening book, Where The Magic Happens – How a Young Family Changed Their Lives and Sailed Around the World.
That letter stayed on my desk for years. I reread it several times and kept thinking about his thoughtfulness. He bought a letter-writing pad, wrote the letter by hand, folded it, and put it in an envelope. He went to the post office, had it weighed, bought international stamps, and placed an airmail sticker on the envelope before mailing it with his return address.
That took a lot more trouble than an email would have. Even after over five years, I can still vividly recall the impact that handwritten letter had on me.
This is the type of activity that everyday people engaged in regularly before the mid-1990s. In boarding school, I eagerly looked forward to Fridays for letters from home, which were 1600 km away and took about a week to arrive. I enthusiastically delved into these letters, revisiting them numerous times. It was truly disheartening to find an empty bag when other boys were happily receiving multiple letters.
Is a handwritten letter really so special? Research suggests receiving one is very special, even more so now, since they are so rare.
Research shows that people view handwritten letters as more serious than emails, leading to better comprehension, retention, and trust.
Research in 2003 headed by P. K. Murphy, from Ohio State University’s School of Educational Policy and Leadership, studied the effectiveness of persuasion in paper versus digital formats in his work titled Persuasion online or on paper: a new take on an old issue.
In the study, undergraduate students read two controversial Time magazine articles, either on paper or on a computer screen.
The study involved tech-savvy undergraduates who spent over 12 hours a week on computers.
The first article, First and Last, Do No Harm, examined a recent ruling by US courts that permitted doctor-assisted suicide for patients with terminal illnesses.
The second article, Dividing Line: Why We Need to Raise Hell, examined the pros and cons of improving the integration of Black and White children in low-income areas in America.
The researchers asked one group to read both articles on a computer. The second group reviewed printed copies of the same two articles.
Both groups reported increased knowledge, but the computer-only readers found the articles less interesting and credible.
The findings show that messages on physical paper are perceived as more credible and better retained. The physical and sensory qualities of paper significantly improve cognitive processing and emotional involvement, resulting in deeper understanding and greater persuasive impact.
Excerpt from The Book of Persuasion – How You Can Change People’s Minds and Influence Their Decisions While Building Trust – Paul du Toit, Author & Certified Speaking Professional 2025, Congruence Publishing